Save the trees

One week back at work and the paperwork is accumulating. My head of department (HOD) told me that I would have to carry out appraisals for all my staff. He pointed out appraisals were a good way of assessing performance over the last year and for identifying training needs. He then told me (violins softly playing in the background) that due to cuts in departmental budgets, he would not be able to pay for all requested training anyway. Furthermore he told me categorically that appraisals were not to be used to justify promotions or to criticise the performance of staff. So I asked if an appraisal who still be required for someone who would be leaving within the next two months. After all, there would be no concern about training because that would depend on the next job. The employee had been not been at work for most of the year, for various medical and personal reasons. So not much I could write about performance since this was related to "confidential" matters that were off-limits. Predictably (why do I bother?) he said it was very important that the appraisal should still occur. Doh! The member of staff in question, has admitted that the last year was a "annus horribilis" and does not want an appraisal. They do have the right to refuse an appraisal. This is a disciplinary offence but by the time anyone realises, they will have left so the University won't be able to take any further action. Hmm..........maybe I can fight against the system after all.

Another irritation is the need for a formal probation period for new members of staff. In their wisdom, human resources have deemed that this should be extended from 6 months to 12 months. So I am in the situation where I have someone on a 12 month contract. I will need to have probation interviews and report on progress; upon arrival, then at 3,6 and 9 months. After 9 months I get to make a formal decision on whether they pass the probation period and continue their employment for another 3 months. Incidentally the probation forms need to be signed by me, the staff on probation, a "mentor" who is independent, and the head of department. Technically if I was successful and got a new grant to keep on this member of staff, it would count as a new post and I would have to go through this whole process again! At this point it would be worthwhile to place plastic caps over all my teeth to prevent me grinding them down to stumps during the course of the next year.

While idly perusing the student noticeboards, I read a print out of an email warning female students to be vigilant while on campus. Two female students were assaulted on separate occaisons last year when walking after dark. I then realised that despite many notices (by email and during departmental meetings) about bloody appraisals, waste control, staff training, seminars etc, I had not heard this important news. I asked a colleague about this, and he said that he had gone to the HOD last year. The HOD told him, that any formal announcements about safety had to come from the Health and Safety Department. However my colleague should alert female members of staff informally, which he did. Surprise, surprise Health and Safety never issued the notice. I am now convinced that my HOD was recruited from the Civil Service. Nevermind Elvis, common sense has well and truly left the building!